So you’ve been exposed to the various personalities and you’re motivated to get along better with that person who has been bugging you the most. So now what? What are the first steps you can take to get along better with the people in your life?
First, you want to do a quick assessment of who you are and then who you are working with. Regardless of the profile you used to access your information about the various styles, one way to figure out who you are and who they are, is to take a look at what “coping strategies” you see exhibited when under stress.
The coping strategies you might see exhibited under stress:
Positive Polly: (Yellow Sanguine)
- Laughing too much
- Making a joke about a serious situation
- Hyper positive
- Extra- over the top Energy
- Moving to resolution too fast
Powerful Peter: (Red Choleric)
- Extreme anger
- Control Freak-ism goes into high gear
- Raised voice and heavy gestures
- High intensity and focus
Peaceful Paul: (Green Phlegmatic)
- Shut down
- Withdraw
- Won’t give any feedback
- Space-out and avoid conversation
Perfect Patty: (Blue Melancholy)
- Become negative about everything (Negaholic!)
- Withdraw – give you the cold shoulder
- Moodiness becomes extreme
- Overwhelming attention to details
Look this list over and it will be fairly easy to clarify which category you fall into. (And of course you can figure out that person who has been driving you crazy too!) Once you have figured out where you fit, now let’s look at some strategies for creating a supportive environment for each.
If you are Positive Polly:
- Stop laughing (or giggling)! It’s really not that funny.
- Take a deep breath. Slow down and shut up. Your tendency to talk-talk-talk is really irritating at the moment of stress. Remember, others process differently than you do and most require quiet.
- Wait for others to ask for your input or advice and they won’t perceive you as irritating.
If you are Powerful Peter:
- Take a deep breath and sit down. Physically slowing yourself down is important, as the physical action will allow you to mentally regroup.
- Remember that you’re not the only one who can be in control. Other people bring value to the situation. They may do it differently than you do, but they’re still valuable.
- Don’t give in to your desire to control through rage. People will be scared of you, and you WILL be a bully. You may get your way in the short term, but long term you are burning bridges and weakening relationships.
If you are Peaceful Paul:
- Don’t let yourself withdraw from the situation. You will want to but you must find a way to engage. If you remove yourself you will alienate those you most want to engage with. You will also cause people to think ill of you if the perception is you’re weak and uninvolved.
- Look at people when you speak with them. Use face and body gestures when you communicate. You will have to practice this, since under stress you completely shut down. But the practice will be worth it when you successfully negotiate an uncomfortable conversation.
- When you experience perceived (or real) conflict, develop a strategy to stay in the game. Speak up. Lean forward. Count to 10 in your head then start thinking of ways to respond. If you have a strategy, you will not succumb to your normal pattern of disengagement, and will be seen as a committed, engaged team member, committed to the success of the team.
If you are Perfect Patty:
- Don’t give in to the tendency of negativity. Instead, look for the positives that can come from the situation. Your habit of seeing the worst can be broken by training your mind to search for the positive.
- Give other people the benefit of the doubt and accept their comments at face value. Don’t judge too harshly and don’t look for a hidden agenda. There’s not one. (Usually).
- Recognize that others don’t care about all the specific details as much as you do. Don’t start “going down your list” unless someone asks you to. Deliver details only upon demand.
We are all a mixture of these…more on that later!
Question: Where do you fit? What’s your style and that of your mate? children? Have these differences every caused you problems? Leave your comments below. Can’t wait to hear from you!