Yesterday I opened up an email with a new blog post from one of my favorite writers. You probably know her, or at least of her. She’s one of those amazing, super productive, “I can’t believe she does all that she does” kind of women.
Several of her books have been New York Times Bestsellers. She has both biological and adopted kids, and when she adopted, she didn’t go for just one, nooooo, she adopted like 10 (just kidding, I think it was 2). You get the picture right?
Well, the reason I’m mentioning and linking to that post here, is because it was such a totally clear picture of a certain personality type I just couldn’t stand it! In fact, her blog post title was How to Choose People Over Projects.
Seriously.
She even made printables to help her remember to do this.
Seriously.
Now some of you are like, Wow, that would really help me. I always find myself thinking how people get in the way of my accomplishments. And others of you are like, Are you crazy? Why on earth would you put a project ahead of a relationship?
And there you have the rub. The personality conflict that causes just that. Conflict.
Because you want your office mate to drop her project and join you for lunch at the trendy new hot spot. And she can’t understand how you can even think of leaving the office for lunch, of all things, when the project isn’t finished.
Or your husband wants to take Saturday and explore a new set of trails and you’re fretting and stewing because the new toilet you purchased 3 weeks ago still isn’t installed.
See where the conflict arises? It’s simple personality conflict. I would call it Action Annie vs. the rest of us. 🙂
Here are 3 positive ways you can work through this difficulty.
1. Recognize you have different expectations. You might be tempted to think there is something wrong with the other person when they don’t act the way you would. After all, they clearly have different priorities than you do.
You’ll be able to reconnect when you recognize that these differences aren’t really wrong. They are just different.
2. Discuss your differing desires. Having an open discussion of these differing expectations will be very productive for you. Once we name it and get it out for discussion, then you can move forward to a solution.
3. Work out a compromise. This sounds a lot easier than it actually is of course. Maybe you can stay through lunch to finish up the project and then celebrate with a brisk walk around the block together after it’s finished. Or how about working together to get the toilet installed so you can take the afternoon to explore those new trails.
When we change our perspective on these differences, we will be able to appreciate and actually be thankful for the variety in our personalities. Try these ideas the next time a conflict like this arises and I think you’ll enjoy the positive outcome.
Question: What are the typical personality conflicts you deal with? Do they drive you crazy or have you figured out ways to bring out the best? I’d love to hear your ideas! Just leave your comments below.
P.S. – If you want to know more about The Personalities, you might want to check out some of my first podcasts here and here where I gave an introduction to the various styles.