Do you have someone in your life who seriously rubs you the wrong way? When people share their frustrations with me, I usually find these irritants are more of a personality clash than any one thing the person is doing. So let’s take a look at some top irritating behaviors, and I’ll give you suggestions for how to positively address them so that everyone can produce more with less stress. Sounds good? Great! Here are 4 quick suggestions for working with each:
1. Suzie Sunshine: She is happy, happy, happy. I know her pollyanna personality can get wearisome and you may be tempted to do something mean to her just to see if she is for real, but trust me, she is genuinely happy by nature and you will hurt her when you do or say something ugly. So you can reframe her behavior into a positive – and you’ll begin to appreciate it…and her! She always sees the positive, so listen and watch her response to negative happenings, and then you try to reframe the situation the same way. I think you’ll find your mood shift as you create the mindset to find the best in things.
2. Controlling Carl: Carl likes to be in control. His passion for control gets played out over and over every day. If he’s not in control, he wants to make sure someone is, and so he powers over everyone to make sure no ball is dropped. The best thing about this control freak is that he is usually VERY good at being in control! So my suggestion to you is to let go, quit trying to wrestle control from him, and let him at least think he is in control of the situation. When you do this, you’ll soothe his ruffled feathers, and his intensity may dial down a notch as he is comforted by his own efforts. Furthermore, when you need to control the situation, do yourself a favor and let Carl think he is in control. It will be your little secret, and Carl will be much easier to get along with.
3. Detailed Debbie: Oh my goodness. Debbie is a wizard with details. Her mind is like a steel trap capturing every morsel of minutia. So you can either fight it and keep telling her it will all be fine, and for her to keep her eye on the big picture, or you can just give it to her. Give her the details. Waaaaay more than you think you need to give her. There’s no such thing as too many details for this gal, so go ahead and dump them on her. Then step back, give her time to process and voila! You’ll’ll be headed in the right direction. She’ll back off and you’ll be free to more forward in the next direction. And, just like with Sunshine Sally, you can be thankful she’s there to catch the details. You benefit when all the details are taken care of. Reframe your mind to be thankful, not irritated.
4. Procrastinating Pete: Pete will get around to doing the job set before him. He’ll just find the quickest and easiest way to do it, and his procrastination will drive you over the edge if you let it. The good news is that Pete usually does perform and live up to what’s required of him, it’s just you must realize that Pete will not do it the way you think he should do it – he’ll do it his way. Procrastination is just his way to control his life, and you’d better get used to it rather than try to force him to change it. Incidentally, communicating with him in a calm and low-key manner is the most effective way to get your message across. If you yell and scream, he’ll just tune you out and you’ll get nowhere.
So as you can see, these styles are distinctly different. There is no right or wrong. Each brings a strength, something wonderful to your world and you can learn from each. So, rather than look at someone who is not like you as an irritant, I’m encouraging you to step back, asses their strengths in a productive light, and you’ll be able to move forward with improved relationships and increased productivity!
Question: Where do you think you fit? Which area do you usually struggle with? And what suggestions can you add to my list of how to work together more effectively in light of the various styles?