How many times have you heard the phrase, “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.”? It seems like a million times. But guess what, it’s true! Yesterday I gave you some suggestions for powering up the way you deliver your message with regards to your volume, pitch and rate. Today I want to dive deeper and help you fine tune your pitch and tone. It’s so important because most of the time, tone dictates meaning. Let’s look at some examples of tone in action…
Monotone Mary – Mary never gets very excited about anything. Her pitch rarely varies more than a few levels in either direction and her volume stays specifically just below the medium level. When she talks, it’s easy to forget what she said immediately after she says it because everything sounds the same. You have to guess what’s most important to her because there’s no emphasis in her speech. She’s kind of like that recorded message at the airport that warns you not to leave your baggage unattended. Easy to ignore and relegate into background noise.
Sarcastic Sam – Sam’s the master of double meanings. When he asks a question or gives a comment, the thick sarcastic tone usually causes you to doubt how he wants you to answer. Sam thinks he’s funny because of his sarcastic “wit” but his negative commentary is very wearing. In meetings, he’s free with inflection laden suggestions, usually at the expense of another. When he’s confronted about his comments, he always denies he said anything wrong. And let’s face it, technically, the words were fine; it was the sarcasm suffocating them that stopped productive communication.
Excitable Ed — Ed is always excited about everything! You hear him before you see him! There are lots of exclamation points in his delivery! His volume is as high as his energy! He emphasizes various words to make his points, and there are a lot of points to make! He tends to be positive, but hasn’t come to understand that too much of a good thing is too much! He makes you tired. You tune him out because it’s ALL! TOO! MUCH!!
Conversational Callie – Callie is a master communicator. She uses a variety of pitches and volumes when she speaks. She draws you in. Her lower and slower tone of voice attracts your attention…and then she delivers her message with power and humor. She knows that variety is truly the spice of life, and when she speaks she harnesses that variety so you stay engaged. Rarely does she speak with sarcasm, so if the joke is on someone, it’s on herself. You like being around Callie because she uses her tone to build up others and strengthen her message.
I hope these examples have reminded you of what kind of tone can be most effective. Notice your own tone, and ask yourself if you are communicating the way you really want to, or if you’ve fallen into bad habits.
This is Day 6 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.
Question: Which of these do you think you most closely resemble? What are some ways you can become more like Callie? I’d love to hear your comments, just leave them below.
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