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Day 27 – How to Say It…Giving Feedback (#31days)

Day 27 – How to Say It…Giving Feedback (#31days)

Christy

It’s my birthday today and I can think of nothing I’d rather do than post this blog post.  Right.  Well, actually I can probably think of a few other things, but I have to say, living my dream this past year…changing basically EVERYTHING professionally and moving in a new direction has been AWESOME and this #31days challenge has been a terrific part of my growth.  So, with that said, here’s today’s post.

Communicating what you really think or feel is part of everyday life.  Doing it with finesse and tact is a skill you can learn to master. Giving and receiving feedback is an especially important art of communication.  Today we will talk about giving feedback and tomorrow about receiving feedback.

When you are Giving Feedback:

Be Specific:  When someone is having difficulty with getting their work turned in on time, say, “I’ve noticed that in February, March and April your reports were turned in two days late each month.”  Not, “So, looks like you’re really busy these days.”  The first was specific about the real issue, while the second left the listener wondering what you’re really saying.

Avoid Assumptions:  When you make an assumption like, “I know you probably don’t like discussing this issue, but…” it puts people on the defensive.  When we assume, we’re taking upon ourselves the projected thoughts of another.  Many times we’re way off base! Who really knows the mind of another?  Instead, say, ‘I would like to discuss our report schedule.  Do you have time now or later in the afternoon?”  This gets the conversation going on an even, unbiased note.

Avoid Generalities:  The minute you say, “Everyone knows you’re always late to meetings,” not only does the person become defensive, but you’ve set yourself up to be disagreed with from the beginning of the conversation.  After all, who among us is “always” or “never” anything?  Keep yourself focused on solutions by being specific and targeted in your discussion.

Focus on the Problem, not the Person:  Our tendency is to personalize issues.  When I complain about Betty being selfish and uncommitted to the team because she’s always late coming back from her breaks – I’m not only making an assumption and generalization, I’m also targeting Betty with my words, not focusing on her behavior.  When I focus on the problem – that is that other team members can’t take their breaks when Betty is late returning from her break – the focus keeps me from getting personal and/or attacking Betty.  This helps the conversation stay in productive territory.  Remember, when I target the behavior, then I can ask for that behavior to change for the better.

So, the next time you have to give feedback, I hope you remember these suggestions so that your conversation is productive, encouraging and keeping you on the path of creating positive connections and helping you be purposeful in living.

31dayblogbuttonThis is Day 27 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. (And my birthday!)  You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.

Question:  Do you ever have trouble staying specific and focusing on the problem, not the person?  Do you find it easy to get personal?  I’d love to hear your stories, just comment below.

15 Comments
  • Interesting post. I specifically liked the examples you gave. 🙂

    • Thanks Pattie, Glad you enjoyed the examples. Real life is the best example 🙂 Which was your favorite?

  • I wish I could show this to my Supervisor and Managers without being rude. They ALL do these and they wonder why they don’t get the outcomes they want.

    • Ha Ha Anung! I love it! Maybe you could just casually send her a link to my podcast. If they are working moms they would like it. (I guess it would be awkward if they were men! ha)…It’s Encouraging Words for Working Moms Podcast. You can find it on iTunes or my website. I talk about all this stuff each week plus interview awesome working moms. It’s so frustrating when the leadership isn’t on board. Good luck! When have you been most successful communicating this way?

  • Happy Birthday! I hope it is a great one. 🙂
    This is great advice. Giving feedback is important and the delivery helps people be open to listen to what you have to say.

    • Thanks for the birthday wishes Amanda. It was a fun one, and if you look at my FB page you’ll see the whole family celebrating. 🙂 Glad you enjoyed this advice. Today is on receiving feedback. What is the easiest part for you when giving feedback?

  • Lisa/SyncopatedMama October 27, 2014 at 7:54 am

    Good advice! I recently shared some similar suggestions in a series I wrote on communication. Although I’d proposed that the hints I was sharing could be used in any type of situation, my examples were mainly focused on friends and family issues. I love how you apply these concepts to business!

    • Hi Lisa, Yes, business application is always helpful…after all, what we do at work we will often repeat at home. Where can I find your series on communication? I’d love to read it!

  • Great advice! As the mom of a mildly autistic teen, I was forced to learn to communicate this way, as my daughter doesn’t “get” inferences. It takes a bit of practice, as we often think that being direct is rude, but being direct doesn’t leave any room for miscommunication.

    Happy birthday! And thanks for this post!

    • Oh my Lynnae, you have a full plate! Yes, when we are direct it can be taken as rude unless we stay really focused on the message. It’s neat you’ve experience the good stuff that comes from direct talk. Thanks for the birthday greetings. I enjoyed reminding myself as I wrote the post. What’s the funniest story you have of ‘direct talk’? I’ll bet you have a bunch of them! 😉

  • I am the queen of taking things personally, or making it personal. I love these guidelines; thank you so much for sharing!

    • Oh goodness Laura, I know what you mean. It’s so easy to take it personally. Glad we’re on that same journey together. Can you think of a time when you didn’t and had a positive outcome?

  • Oh, such good points. I have encountered some managers whom I wished would have known how to handle feedback better. 🙂 In my experience, there were often statements made that sounded like there would be a confrontational situation… and then there wasn’t! Introducing anxiety never helps.

    • Yes Sarah, it’s so difficult when those who really should know better can’t seem to communicate effectively. I guess we just have to model how it’s done! What’s been the most anxiety producing situation you’ve experienced?

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