We’ve been talking about ideas for dealing effectively with the difficult people in your life for the past few days. I hope you’ve gotten some useful ideas about how to get more positive outcomes. Today, I’m going to wrap up this section with a few extra suggestions.
I gave you an example of a dialogue with Tara yesterday. Today I’m going to give you a fresh dialogue along with some guidelines to follow when having that difficult conversation.
1. Be honest with yourself. When someone is difficult, check in with yourself and ask, what is the real issue here? For example, if Mary made a sarcastic comment in front of your team about the way you’re handling this month’s project, your first reaction might be anger. But when you check in and are really honest, you’ll recognize that it was embarrassment and awkwardness you were experiencing in the moment. Additionally, when you were “put down” in front of your team, you could be worried it could potentially minimize your authority as well.
2. Be willing to be authentically transparent. Tell Mary the way her behavior affected you. You don’t have to go into a huge long explanation here – and be careful NOT to insert judgements or generalities here. Don’t say – “Mary, you were a real jerk when you made that nasty comment about my work in front of my team this morning.” That’s NOT what we’re looking for! 🙂 Instead, say “Mary, when you criticized my work in front of my team this morning I was really uncomfortable.”
3. Tell her what you want her to do. Sometimes I’ll hear people tell the difficult person they didn’t appreciate the difficult behavior and then stop the conversation. Frankly, that does no good at all because most difficult people don’t even get that their behavior is a problem! You must be specific and tell them what you want them to do. “Mary, in the future, when you have feedback on my work, I would appreciate it if you would tell me privately.” Short, specific and without judgements should do the trick.
This conversation may seem hard to do. But rest assured if you do not confront the difficult behavior it will continue. Remember, that which is rewarded is repeated. When you ignore their behavior it’s a way of rewarding their behavior. Be sure to draw your own firm assertive lines so you don’t let the difficult people get the best of you.
I hope this mini-series on difficult people has been helpful. I’ve enjoyed reminding myself of what works when I get confronted with behavior that’s upsetting to me. I hope you will incorporate these ideas along with me, and let’s see our relationships blossom!
This is Day 18 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.
Question: Which of these suggestions have been most helpful to you? Which can you implement? I’d love to hear your feedback. Just leave your comments below.
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