I got the call right when I was packing for a trip. I was familiar with the question even though I barely knew the speaker. “Can you come sit on our committee?” she asked. And silly me. I fell into it for a whole bunch of reasons I’ll save for later posts. I heard myself saying “yes” when both my head and heart were screaming “NO!”
Do you have trouble saying the ‘N’ word? Do you find that because you can’t say NO, you end up involved in all sorts of things you don’t really want to do? Or are you one of those people who has no difficulty saying No. So much so, that people perceive you as self-centered and not a team player? If you can relate, read on.
Following is the first of 3 ways to say No. Using these ideas will help you build relationships rather than put a strain on them, while still making sure you end up doing only, and exactly, what you want to do.
1. The 3×5 No. Use this with someone you supervise, including your teenager! Here’s an example from home. You can take it and extrapolate it out for the office or whatever your situation.
Your daughter comes to you and says, “Mother, I have to get this $300.00 purse, and I have to get it now!” Now you know that a $300 purse is not in the budget no way, no how, but you don’t want to say “NO!” again. (Or if you are like I am, say “Are you out of your cotton-pickin’ mind?”) Ahem…
Instead, here’s how you handle it. “Sweetheart,” you reply, “I want you to have this beautiful purse. It’s gorgeous and stylish and I can see exactly why you want it. My problem is that a $300 purse for you is not in our family budget. Here’s what I would like you to do. Take this 3×5 card.” (Hand it to her.) “On one side you can write $300.00 purse and on the other side, I want you to list all the ways you can think of to pay for this $300.00 purse. When the card is full of ideas, I want you to bring it back to me and we can discuss the options.”
The amazing thing about this method is how creative people can be when they really want something. Your daughter will come up with all sorts of terrific ideas you would have never thought of ~ and because it’s her idea, she can’t complain about it later. You will want to try this with your employee the next time they get negative about your solution to a problem. Ask them to come up with alternatives and watch the positive energy rise. Reminder — don’t use this one with your boss! 🙂
This 3×5 No is a very empowering way to teach problem solving skills. It’s also a great way to keep the environment positive and pro-active. Check back for the next post when I’ll give you 2 more powerful suggestions. Now, excuse me please, I have a call to make. There’s a committee I’ve got to go extricate myself from…
This is Day 14 of 31 Days of Powerful Communication Skills for Women. You can read all of my #31Days posts here. And check out The Nester’s #Write31Days blog for other great 31 day series.
Question: Do you have difficulty saying No? I’d love to hear your experience. Just leave a comment below.
1 Comment