Can you believe it’s only 5 days until Christmas? And if you’re reading this any other time of year than December 20th, I want you to remember how you felt the Saturday before Christmas. Relaxed. Calm. Peaceful. Serene. Generous. Content.
Oh wait? You don’t? You say you don’t feel like that, but that you feel overwhelmed. Discouraged. Stressed out. Oh, good. Me too. You’re in the right place, so you’d better read on.
As I was considering what I could write that would be of value to you this weekend, I was reminded that the root of so much of our difficulties during the holidays (and all year long, actually) is nothing more than comparison in disguise.
Comparison. I’m sure you’re aware of the obvious ways comparison sneaks in. Fakebook err, Facebook being the easiest and most obvious example. Instagram and even highly anticipated holiday letters can be added to the list.
It’s easy to recognize the way Facebook makes us compare isn’t it? Your decorations/children/vacations/husband/job/home/car/jewelry are nothing like the perfect neighbor down the street or the blogger across the country are they?
But, have you ever thought of the most insidious ways comparison sneaks into your life?
Have you ever stopped to consider that every time you compare your current reality with the one that you wish you had, you are setting yourself up for dissatisfaction, discontent, discouragement and even depression.
Worst of all, comparison devalues what is. A basic tenant of The Grace Advantage is to “Accept What Is” You can’t do that when you are comparing. Because when you compare, you always come out the loser. You are the loser when you feel pride of how much better you are and you are the loser when you see how much “less than” your life is.
Ouch! Comparison cuts deep even when it’s just with our own idealized ideas of who we or our family should be or could be or even worse, ought to be.
If you’re feeling defeated, here are 3 simple words that just might help.
1. Gratitude. Before you start running down the list of “lack” in your mind this morning, stop and give thanks. Look around you. Gather your family close and kiss their sweet cheeks and say thank you. Thank God for a roof over your head (even if it’s leaking!) Thank Him for your car. Thank Him for money to buy gas. Thank Him for the abundance that allows your jeans to get tighter. Ahem. Thank Him for the challenging job that takes every negotiating skill you have. Get the picture? Get thankful.
2. Giving. Give up and give out. Give up your schedule to snuggle close and watch your son play Angry Birds. Give up your plans for the afternoon to meet your husband for lunch. Give up your expectations for perfection and enjoy the beauty of the imperfection of life.
Give out of your abundance and out of your lack. Any cans in the pantry you could share with the mission this weekend? Any books you could pass along to the library? Scheduling time to ring the Salvation Army bell with your kids in front of Target is given out of your lack of time isn’t it? Yet you can choose to do it.
Giving requires you stop the navel-gazing and take a look around. Who needs what you have? You do have to look at yourself – but through the prism of how what you have and more importantly, who you are, can benefit others. You are who you are and with what you have because there is an impact you can make. It’s not all about you! (Reminding myself too!!) It’s not all about you. But all about others and the impact you can make in their life. Get giving.
3. Grace. Undeserved favor. Who can you bless with grace this week? Who can you love and accept just as they are? Right now! Without fixing a single thing about them. Without expecting anything in return. Undeserved favor. We all need it. We all can live it.
When we are thankful, giving and full of grace, suddenly comparison shows up as the ugly impostor it really is. The counterfeit sensations comparison imparts fade quickly in the face of authentic living. Living out gratitude. Living out Generosity. Living out Grace.
Now let’s get going! I’ll meet you at the mall. 🙂
Question: How does comparison rob you of joy? What do you do that works to help you stop comparing? I’d love to hear your stories. Please leave a comment below.